Diagnosis
I have a very minor case and normally this will not be an issue. It is only an issue because I had been recently sick and tore up my throat at the time with heavy coughing.
This is how it breaks down. When I had pneumonia all the hacking ripped up my esophagus. Normally this heals when you get past the pneumonia/cold/flu. My body instead kept spraying stomach acid on top of these minor esophageal wounds not allowing them to heal. This in turn messed up my throat more which kept being sprayed down with acid. Rinse/repeat.
So basically he gave me more of the happy codeine juice and put me on Prilosec. The Prilosec will put the reflux in check allowing my throat to heal normally. In about two weeks I should be back to normal.
This rocks. A Doc with an answer and a timeline to work with. Two weeks is easy to handle knowing the finish line is at the end.
~The Dad
New settings
Will be messing with controls over the next few days.
Seeing a E/N/T Doc this afternoon. With my luck he will be the twin brother Dr Asshat.
~The Dad
Tarn visit
*STRANGER DANGER*
Do not meet people online ever.
*STRANGER DANGER*
If you do and you are molested make sure to take your cut from the internet sales.
Let me start this off with explaining my friend Tarn. She is a quiet, caring soul who would never say a bad word about...screw it. A picture is worth a thousand words.
Look at the pic again and pay special attention to the sparkle in her eyes. That is the evil trying to escape.
It failed.
After taking the sometimes sideways back roads of Main I am close to my destination. MapQuest delivers for me yet again. I am a few miles from Tarn's place when my cell goes off. I hadn't missed a turn and was spot on for time.
It was Tarn calling. It seems someone with a CRV had looked lost near her place and thought it might be me. She knew it was a different color but called to make sure. Needless to say when Tarn called me to check up on my directions she made me miss a turn on my directions.
I arrive. Tarn gives a hug. I don't think she can half hug anyone. She hugs to kill.
Her son is there. Cool guy. Soft spoken with a sarcastic wit. Even when you try to rattle him he stays on point and sticks to the original topic. If he can get the drive to match his brains he can take over a small country some where. Then he would get bored and the population would starve to death as he watched indifferently on youtube.
We head inside. Tarn's fiance is passed out. He works shift work and it's his time to snooze. Opening chit chat and all.
Geek mode on
They are into playing CoV. I played CoH from Beta to just before CoV was released. The logged in to show me some CoV stuff. I call shenanigans. They nerfed the Fire/Fire Controller but the Mastermind on the Villain side is so much more potent it's nasty. I personally don't do nerfs. I think they should restore the F/F Con instead of nerfing the Mastermind.
Geek mode off
Tarn's other kiddo shows up. Teen daughter. She hides a bit of timidity/naivety behind being brash and outgoing. She is a bit CAT ADHD.
Kids go there separate ways, friends and all. While sitting there with Tarn and Tarn Guy (as he is now named) the conversation heads toward the IRC. Tarn and I met on a gaming forum (video games and the like) and spend most evenings in an IRC chatroom. There are a bunch of us regulars that hang out in there. I like to watch TV, surf the web and chat in there.
Anyway, the convo goes to IRC. I log into the channel on her account. I start yelling how screwed up the visit with the Grumps was (yes, I am bitching about myself as her to clear up any confusion) and end with,"WTF DID HE DO TO MY BATHROOM". I then abruptly log out.
Tarn and Tarn Guy just sit there staring at me. Mouths agape and speechless. Now in the years I have known Tarn I didn't think speechless was an option. I was rather proud.
We log back into the channel under a different name through another client so they don't know it's us and we monitor the room off and on the rest of the night. Just to see what they say. We laugh at comments. Tarn and I will eventually take this joke a few more days with each of us logging in on our own accounts to bitch about the fucked up other one. The joke ends one night after she and I were done laughing our asses off. Fun stuff.
We grab some pizza and sodas. Break out the Scrabble and have a good time all around. I really enjoyed the visit. Except for the fact I had to put my clothes in a separate HAZMAT bag to not get the smoke smell on the rest of my stuff (if a cigarette is not burning at any given moment in that house from one of the smokers they must all be outside at once) I'd have no complaints.
Thanks for putting up with me for the day Tarn and Tarn Guy. Hopefully I can figure out a way to do it again in the future.
You all hear the bad things about meeting people online. Bullshit. If you use common sense and do it right you can have a good time. I sure did. The cool part is I now know what her family is like so when we talk about them online I have more then a foggy mental image.
1 The cat's belong to Tarn's daughter. I'd apologize but she got bored after the first sentence and wandered off.
~The Dad
How a parent handles a perv
YOU DO NOT TRY TO DIDDLE YOUR FRIEND'S KID!
So in times like these I could post some long, detailed method of how to hurt/maim/kill and hide the body. I prefer to go with this more twisted method.
~The Dad
Even more disgusting (you are warned)
I'm watching some TV in the living room around a half hour later and start coughing. It kept going. I fought off the urge to purge and life was good. Watch some more TV. The cough comes back. Worse. Realizing this is not going to end well I jump up.
Earlier today I had found out the new anti-biotic I am on is so strong it doubles as a colon cleanser.
*waits for those still reading to do the math and cringe*
So as I jump up I realize I am about to put in a double shift at the old porcelain factory. Realizing the potential for a massive toxic spill I grab the Chinese food bag. You know the white bag with a brown paper bag inside it. I had used it to toss my meal refuse into. I'm glad I had some foresight.
Long story short I am sitting on the home throne proving it is possible operate both ends at maximum setting simultaneously.
Luckily I had rescued the fortune cookies from the bag earlier.
~The Dad
Immediate Care
Anyhoo, he threw a new anti-biotic and some more codeine happy juice to last until Wednesday. It sucks but it does make a difference and for that I'm grateful. I still have the same cough but it keeps it below the puke level. I actually got a short nap in this afternoon and kept breakfast down.
~The Dad
Paging Dr. Asshat (Don't read this if puking bothers you)
Summary of
prior events:
I briefly mentioned being
sick in last night's post. Normally I don't mention
that shit online on forums or IRC. Being sick is not
an excuse to attention whore. Suck it up buttercup.
Save that shit for your own blog...
I've been sick for a month and a half. Cold leading
to Pneumonia. Fixed that but the cough stayed. They
couldn't figure it out so they said it was just
inflamed lungs/throat reacting to coughing by
coughing more>Bad cough they can't figure it out
so they said it was a Chronic Sinus Infection. Tons
of hardcore drugs (narcotic cough suppressants,
anti-biotics, inhalers, etc). I have had to go to
Immediate Care each time since to see my regular Dr.
it takes a month to get an appointment time.
The cough was not improving but was not getting
worse. At this point I leave for my trip out east.
Two weeks of visiting all over. I covered the
destinations in last night's post. The only problem
was my cough meds that they said would last long
enough didn't. My cough started getting worse. After
a pain in the ass morning trying to get a refill at
my in-laws place I realize it's too late. I'm fucked.
When in NJ coughed so hard I tossed chunks once. I
went outside, decorated the grass on the side of the
house no one uses/sees then drive to take the family
out to eat at a burger joint they love. I wasn't
feeling too bad, just the cough. Hey! I'm not fat,
I'm just a bulimic failure!
In the past 4 days I have coughed so hard I have
blown chunks at least once a day. I instituted a rule
I wouldn't eat any meal without something sweet to
finish off. Helped the taste on the way back out. I
gave you warning in the title about this topic. I
have kept down one meal in the past two days.
Immediate Care will be closed by the time we get back
home so the wife suggested last night I go to the ER.
They take up the slack when Immediate Care is closed.
I hated it but her logic was sound so I agreed. First
stop in town is leaving me at the ER and the Mrs and
MNA go home to unpack, unwind some, let the dogs out.
The Emergency
Room:
I grab my meds, ipod and
headphones and toss them in my backpack. I head on
in. I walk up and someone is ahead of me at intake. I
chill out and wait my turn. Another intake clerk
shows up and takes my info. I sit and wait for the
triage nurse to see me next. She takes my info and I
have a seat.
In just a few minutes they whisk me off to a room in
the ER. I try to lay down on the gurney but the
change of horizon causes another coughing spasm.
Knowing I was most likely going to lose lunch today I
grabbed a McD's milkshake on the drive. It seems a
milkshake bought in Illinois has the power to escape
gravity in Wisconsin.
It is not my fault they cover up the toilet in the
room with Transformer type lid and sides. It looked
like an ugly seat, I didn't know it lifted up into a
short shitter. It IS my fault for not grabbing the
garbage can. So the sink with the little drain the
Doc washes his hands with when he leaves/enters the
room. I clog it.
At this point I clean up a bit. Open the sliding door
and move the curtain a little. Stick my head out and
call out,"Clean up on Aisle 5". It seems trained ER
staff with proper experience respond with a look of
disgust then disappear. They know they don't want to
be stuck on clean up. The new guy who made eye
contact mumbles about contacting house keeping and
slinks off.
One of the cute college girls who works the intake
office comes into the room to double check the
paperwork info. This is the SOP there. She walks in,
her pretty little nose crinkles in disgust. She looks
around but can't see the source of the smell since it
is neatly sitting over in the sink behind where she
is leaning. I just attempt a feeble smile, give the
info and she splits.
At this point I get a txt message on my cell. I check
it. One of my buddies I hung out with for a day back
in NJ sent me a text that reads: hey there bud! had a
great time last week. so glad to see ya!
Knapp, when you read this I just want to let you know
I did have a good time last week kicking your ass in
Risk (my blog, I can lie and say I won bitch) but
your timing is still as wonderful as ever. At least
you didn't knock up my nurse.
Speaking of my nurse. She arrives. Nice lady,
personable and shows she is adept at her job. She
walks in, sees the mess, rolls up her sleeves, grabs
the rubber gloves and picks it up. AS she is in there
the wimp who mumbled about housekeeping shows up and
says to her,"I was going to have housekeeping do it".
She glared at him and said,"Then it would never get
done". She cleans it up and sprays the room with some
floral stank to mask the smell.
At this time she reaches into a cabinet and hands me
this cardboard Don Quixote hat. It was shaped exactly
like an old shaving bowl but was made out of the
funky grey cardboard you get when you need to carry
multiple drinks out of a fast food joint. I get the
glare as she exits the room.
After more waiting Dr. Asshat strolls into the room.
He has the personality of an ass barnacle. He asked
me some questions and left. Take note of two that I
will go over again later.
Q) Are you using the inhalers you were prescribed?
A) No, they give me instant coughing spasms the can
easily end up with me puking.
Q) Are the meds you are currently prescribed making
any difference?
A) They make it so I can barely get a little sleep.
Besides that they are worthless.
He marks up his clipboard and saunters away.
Back to waiting.
The RN come back in and hands me this contraption
called a Peak Flow Meter. I take a deep breath,
exhale hard into it and it registers my lung
capacity. Then she puts me on a nebulizer to breathe
in the same shit they gave me on an inhaler. She
sticks me to draw blood. Once I am done playing Puff
the Magic Dragon she totters off to let the meds sink
in my alveoli (lung sacs, pay attention in 7th grade
next time).
After a while in comes in the next nurse. He looks
like the kid brother to Hardy of Laurel and Hardy
fame. He is there to do the EKG. For some silly
reason when an old fat bastard shows up with problems
breathing they think it could be a heart issue. How
dare they be thorough.
As he is putting the leads on me I notice he has 4
digits written in ink on his hand. I jokingly ask if
that is so he can remember his phone number. It was
to remember his PIN number when he signs on to shift.
He is not exactly inspiring confidence here.
Back to waiting. As usually I sit still and zone. The
less I move/talk the less I cough. In comes the X-ray
lady. She looks at me and asks if I want to be taken
away on the gurney or using the wheelchair. I vote
wheelchair.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
We arrive and I get my ass out of the wheelchair.
Warning, fat men not trained to remove themselves
from a wheelchair when sick are funny to watch. At
least I'm sure if I saw my ass trying to stand
Stand, turn, hold still, deep breath, whiiiirrrrrrrr
snickooly click. OK, done.
*insert coughing fit here*
As I cough she runs off to join the rest of the
gnomes to finish the Keebler cookies and check on my
x-rays. She missed part of the lung in one pic so we
redo that shot. Rinse/repeat.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
As I'm being pushed down the hallway on the western
rickshaw I had the urge to throw my arms out like
DiCaprio on a ship and then call out,"Chris2c2 this
IS fun!" No, really. I thought that. Die Chris.
Back to my room smelling of puke and mountain
flowers. The RN lady pops her head back in and tells
me the Dr. is just waiting on all the film/lab
results so he can talk to me. I grab my ipod out of
the backpack and zone to some podcasts.
Dr. Asshat returns. He says he contacted my regular
physician (the guy I have to wait a month to get an
appointment with) and he will see me Wednesday at
noon thirty. He says nothing is wrong that he can
find (Deja Vu much) and he understands this must be
frustrating for me so he will shoot me some other
meds. One is another inhaler but with an adaptor to
make it more effective. Then he talks about this
great anti-cough stuff he will give me and splits.
Yes, he just took the info, called my regular Dr,
threw some temp meds at me and told me to see a Dr.
who gives a fuck. At least that is how I saw it.
Whatever, at least I got new meds. If they stop the
coughing then the rest will fix itself.
I call the wife pissed off over this crap and ask her
to please head out to come pick me up. She's on the
way with MNA as security.
After a few hours in at the ER the RN comes in, hands
me two scripts, explains how to take them and goes on
with her shift. She tells me I can take the new meds
with the old ones. .
I call a buddy and vent as I wait for the Mrs. She
arrives and we head out to the closest pharmacy.
DAMNIT, remodeling.
Have to go to the other one across town. Wife drops
me and the MNA off and heads to the other one. I get
the MNA ready for bed, hang out for a bit so she
chills and then tuck her in. I hop online to work on
e-mail backlog.
The Mrs shows up and has a weird look on her face...
She asks if I got new meds. I replied in the
affirmative. She hands me the bag.
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Dr. Asshat not only passed me off like a hot potato
as fast as he could he gave me the same exact
prescriptions. The inhaler didn't even have the extra
tube he said it would have to help it work more
effectively.
Now lets go back and look at the two Q&A
mentioned earlier.
Q) Are you using the inhalers you were prescribed?
A) No, they give me instant coughing spasms the can
easily end up with me puking.
Q) Are the meds you are currently prescribed making
any difference?
A) They make it so I can barely get a little sleep.
Besides that they are worthless.
He gave me the same ineffective bullshit and told me
to see my own Dr. in 4 days. This asshole thinks I'm
going to cough so hard my ribs and abs hurt and puke
up my meals for 4 mother fucking days because he
can't be bothered to actually do his job. Thanks for
wasting my time.
This one isn't over by a long shot. I'll track down
who to contact to lodge a complaint against this
asshole. I'm going to ride this one hard.
Denouement
The wife pointed out I
should go to Immediate Care when they open up first
thing in the morning, tell them the story, show the
same meds and ask the guy for some strong anti-cough
med I haven't had to hold me until my Wednesday Dr
appointment. Once I cooled off I agreed.
Then I started thinking, what if they think I'm just
showing up to score drugs? What if they think I'm
some cook hypochondriac wasting their time. What if
I'm petulant and pissy and want to be a jerk?
My first thought was to order Chinese for dinner and
if it came back up bring the bag of it in to the Dr
office in the morning to back my story up. I quickly
shot that down. That is nasty even for me.
Then I thought I could grab breakfast before I hit
Immediate Care...
~The Dad
Last night on the road
My in-laws are conservative, Catholic, Mid-Western salt of the earth folk who like things to be done a certain way. I'm a grumpy asshole who contrary to popular opinion can be, shall we say hard to get along with on occasion. This was a good visit. Easily our best. My Mrs. is ecstatic it went so well. Hell, I'm thinking the next visit just might be fun too...
I have a metric butt load of stories from the trip. Still setting up the laptop to do my blogging on. By sometime next week I plan on doing my blogging from the laptop and just transferring the files over to the main rig as back up. This way in the future I'm good to go ASAP and it's one less thing to worry about before trips. That and I can use it locally too, say stuck in the service department during the auto checkup.
I\'m aware the header graphic is currently MIA. That will be fixed when I am back home and got some time. I only have it set up on the main system and not this one. Didn\'t realize until on the road.
I busted my ass at the Gym starting back in December. Trainer two days a week and worked my fat butt up to going the other 5 days on my own. Lost twenty pounds. Was sick with a nasty cough (codeine cough meds anyone?) and couldn't work out a week before leaving. Then the two weeks on this current excursion. I feel like I found them back. Darn it, now I know my sweet spot for burning calories daily and eating right at home. You know: eat less, move more. I will drop it and more. That or stroke out on the elliptical so some stretcher jockey gets a hernia lifting my carcass to the ambulance.
OK, enough rambling for now. I plan on posting about all that happened on the trip as I feel in the groove to write it up. I'll try to keep it in semi-order but I will most likely fail.
Bleh
~The Dad
Deli goggles
Now I shall delve into a more insidious mental state. This is the story of Deli Goggles.
Let me describe to you a moment in time captured under the harsh fluorescent glare of a local supermarket...
***a crescendo of the Oscar Meyer Weiner tune begins***
Standing in front of the Deli counter at the local grocery store I am bored. There are other shoppers walking in a trance. Like a salmon going upriver to die yet but they need to buy Cheezits first.
Another customer walks up. I of course make fast eye contact, a nod of the head or a fast smile of acknowledgment. She vaguely resembles a woman but you don't care. You haven't had supper yet and the smells from the Deli counter are enticing.
The clerk behind the counter asks for your order. I say the first thing and he's off. Apparently he can't remember more then one task at a time so you I to piece meal the list to him. As I wait for the pound of swiss cheese I realize I am bored. I had read all the labels in the area and have started to see if I could remember the first few ingredients on a few of them to test myself. Truly bored.
Then I notice her scent. A perfume that I can smell over the gentle waft of garlic emanating from the salami. I glance at her. You know, she is not that bad. Then the clerk hands me my Swiss and asks if there is anything else. I look up from this intriguing woman and tell him I need a pound of pastrami. He walks off.
Trying not to be scene I steal furtive glances at her some more. The line from her neck to her shoulders is exquisite. Like a bust of a beautiful Greek princess. Not realizing my hunger for food is now manifesting itself through the desire for physical release. The lady next to me looks better then she did 5 minutes ago. She is getting better by the stomach pang.
My pastrami is done. I now give the man behind the counter my final order which is for Cajun spiced ham. He scurries off. I gander at Jessica Alba's hotter sister now standing next to me waiting for her head cheese.
Curses on the the deli guy! He interrupts my day dream to ask me if I gave a damn about the thickness of the ham. Doesn't he see that I am mentally about to enter the Sexlympics with a world class partner? I tell him whatever he showed me was good enough. I look at her again and see that certain sparkle in her one good eye. The stubble on her chin was like cracked peppercorns on the outside of a medium rare roast beast.
One good eye...what is behind the eye patch?
Finally my rescuer behind the counter hands me my final parcel and I look at her again. Like I had just woken up for the first time I see reality. I immediately grab my packages and get out of there as fast as I can.
The freak next to me was drooling out her left side and was eying me all creepy.
~The Dad
Subtract Pi
(Picture taken by the MNA)
Pi was our youngest. He was a year and a half old. He was the MNA's best buddy and they hung out with each other and played. He would sleep in her crib at times
After talking with our vet it was decided putting him on a sedative while we were gone was going to be needed. We started him a week early to keep an eye out for side effects and if it was the right dosage for him. We have a tight relationship with our Vets office. We have 4 pets and had to put down Shmi (cat) in 2006 and they have been fantastic.
Pi started on the meds and was uber stoned. I held him a foot off the ground with his feet facing the ground and let him go so he could walk away from me when I moved him off my lap and he would fall over, missing his feet. He slid down the stairs, etc. The first night I expected such so it was goofy but not outrageous. He hadn't gotten hammered before so this was new.
After two days it didn't let up. The wife and I talked and decided to cut the dose in half. We were given an acceptable range by our Vet to find what worked for Pi and this was legit. It didn't do enough. So the recommend dose was too strong. Half of that was too little. We went and tried a 3/4 dose. He was ok the first night, he then would just sit there and do nothing. He was normally an energetic cat.
We had some worries but he needed time to get used the meds. Considering he hadn't been stoned before it seemed he had a huge learning curve so we kept an eye on him and let him work it out. On the second day of this 3/4 dose he was no longer eating and was lethargic.
First thing this morning I was on the phone with the Vet, they said bring him in and drop him off. A few hours later I get the call. He was in severe liver failure. His blood test was off the charts. They diluted it down to 25% and it was still off the charts. The Vet we worked with today (we use all three there and they are great) was completed stymied. She checked with other vets, online, her resource books, etc. There was no mention by anyone of a case of a cat having this reaction to the med. There was a similar response with a drug that was a cousin to the one we used but the odds of such a reaction are almost unheard of. They had used this drug for years with no issues and none of the vets there had heard of such a thing.
At 7pm arrived at the Vet office, hung out in the suckstobeheremakesmalltalkandactlikeyouarenotcrying room. Pi arrived to sit with us for a bit. One look at him, the way he was breathing, the way he was meowing, the way he just was, it was time. Anything else would have been cruel. His quality of life was gone.
~The Dad
No wonder I'm so grumpy
So I drop the MNA (Midget Ninja Assassin, my three year old daughter) off at pre-school today for a half day. Normally she only does a half day on Tue/Wed but with having to run around and get ready for the upcoming trip and feeling crappy it was better to have her spend a day at school. She loves it there and it is a great place. The Mrs. and I recommend it to anyone who asks.
So there I am sitting in the Target parking lot. I had just walked out with my purchases and was in the car on my cell phone talking to my buddy Al. The keys are on the seat next to me so I'm not perpetuating the "asshole talking on cellphone while driving" bullshit. I see some older lady (I'd guess in her late 50s early 60s) pull up and park diagonal in a straight parking spot. She just forgot to hit her break in time and decided to use my front bumper as her back up plan.
My CRV rocks back and forth. I tell Al I've got to go and hang up. I lay on my horn to get her attention, she looks around and ignores me. I get out of my car and call out,"Is there a reason you ran into my car?" The woman looks around like I must be talking to someone else. She looks at me and says,"I don't believe I hit your car"...
No, really, that was her response. So she walks over and looks at her diagonally parked car that has blocked in the car next to her. She sees she had in fact hit my car and parked hers while they are still grinding bumpers.
I hop in my car, pull back a bit and jump back out to see what gives (hopefully nothing). No damage occurred and I gave it a good looking over so I shrugged it off, told her to have a nice day and got back in my car. She kept looking at me like I was at fault. I don't care if you are 17 or 117, if you can't park in a straight pull in spot without hitting another vehicle and NOT even know it you need to sell the car and get a damn bus pass.
OK, situation over. I jump in the vehicle again and call Al back to tell him the crazy story. Just as I finish telling him...WHAM! It seems the dumbass parked next to me couldn't control her car vehicle door. It wasn't that windy out but it seems she threw her car door open and it hit my driver side rear view mirror loudly.
At this point I tell Al,"I just got hit again." He is rolling with laughter and I hang up to deal with this. My ride has the rear view mirrors made to be all bendy upon impact and luckily no damage was done. The lady is all apologetic and I play it low key and wave it off since there is no damage.
I get back in the car and while Al has collected his breath I give him the update, blame him for all of the crap (making him laugh more of course) and adjust my goals for the day down to one. Get the hell out of that parking lot without totaling my car.
I accomplished my goal for the day at least.
~The Dad